Final thoughts

Okay. So the recap was totally exhausting, and really all it made me do was want to watch all the episodes again. And I've seen them like 100 times already.
I don't get all sappy about girly things. I don't watch movies to intentionally cry, I hate American Idol, I don't drink alcohol that is apple, chocolate or melon flavored, and if someone tells me a book is inspirational, I try not to gag in front of them. But there is something about this show that pulls at my heartstrings. The characters and the writing are far from perfect. I find myself rooting for people are doing things I would never consider. When I got to the end of the recap, I was tearing up from remembering Charlotte and Harry adopting their little girl, Miranda and Magda's mother/daughter scene, and Samantha's boyfriend Smith shaving his head when she started losing her hair.
I really don't even care if the movie is that good. I just want to see all the characters on screen again. I am completely biased going into this film, so all the girls who have read these recaps and are planning on attending this movie with me tomorrow, please be kind in your reviews. I am in no state to be objective.

Season 6 - This is it ladies

Carrie is gearing up about her first date with Berger, and runs into Aiden. You could say he's moved on, because he has a baby strapped to his belly. Apparently he got married and immediately got his new bride knocked up, so Hooray for Aiden and his super sperm. Charlotte gets Harry to say he will marry her when they are in the throws of passion. Then when she tries to hold him to it later, he calls her out for sneaky and says anything they say in the bedroom is off limits. So she decides to go all Elizabeth Taylor and convert to Judaism. Miranda is mooning over Steve and gets herself a TiVo. On it she has become obsessed with this BBC show called Jules and Mimi. When Magda sits on the remote and breaks the TV, Miranda has an understandable nervous breakdown, but Steve comes to the rescue. He's also dating someone new, so Miranda's all sad because he moved on. Carrie and Berger and getting along fantastic, but they have the most boring sex life ever. They both get really drunk thinking it will take the pressure off, but they get so drunk, they both pass out before anything happens. The next morning, very hungover, they pretend they are having dinner, and somehow it works. Samantha is lusting after this waiter at a raw food restaurant. She gets into a subtle showdown with another woman for who was going to be taking him home. After a quick negotiation and the purchase of the gal's meal, Samantha takes home the prize. She runs into the same waiter at a party he is catering later on and gets him fired because they get caught having sex in a closet or something. So it turns out that Berger is the most insecure writer every because after Carrie points out something small in his book regarding a woman wearing a scrunchie in her hair, he gets all uncomfortable and holds it against her. He also tells Miranda that the guy she is dating is "just not into her" (yes, that's where that horrible phrase got started). Carrie takes offense because she thinks he's insensitive, but Miranda feels liberated because now she doesn't have to fret over the nuances of their date and why he didn't call. Charlotte has completed her conversion to one of the chosen people, and gets in a huge fight with Harry when he wants to watch the game during her first Shabbat dinner. It escalates to her pointing out what people think when they see the two of them together, which really hits below the belt. The she cries out, "Set the date." because she had done all of that just so he would marry her and she was tired of waiting. Harry's feelings are so hurt, and he definitely feels Mantrapped and leaves her. We're all very sad. Meanwhile, things are getting really hot and heavy with Samantha and her waiter who is like half her age. She keeps trying to keep him at a distance, (she won't even learn his name) by playing out these sex fantasies, but as soon as he tells her something real (like he's an alcoholic) she runs off. Finally he pins her down (not literally) and makes her listen about who he is and what he wants to be. His name, turns out, is Jerry Jerrod. She replies, "Your parents named you that. No wonder you drank." Turns out he wants to be an actor and star in all these little artsy plays. Finally she tells him if that's what he really wants to be, then she would help him. The publicity campaign started with the promotion of a play in Brooklyn where he is totally nude. It was a packed house. The next thing he knows, he is half naked on a billboard in Times Square and has drinks named after him. Turns out Berger's agency dropped his book contract, and he holds it against Carrie for having a book that is a success, even if it is only in Europe. He starts acting like a complete ass, and Carrie doesn't want to admit defeat. Finally he tells her he wants take a break, and Carrie doesn't know what the hell that means. He's gone for a week, and when he comes back he brings flowers and tells her he wants it to work out. In the meantime, Charlotte goes to a Jewish Singles mixer on a blind date. After many blind dates from the women at her synagogue, she decides none of them are Harry. She tells the guy its not going to work. Harry is at the mixer, and she tells him that she is sorry in this beautiful speech about how she just wants him to be in her life. She doesn't care in what capacity, just that she wants him to be in her life. We're all very touched and he proposes right there on the spot. It all very sweet and all the other women are jealous. So the next morning, Carrie wakes up after the great make-up with Berger to find him not there. On her laptop is a Post-It that say, "I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me." Worst. Break-up. Ever. Post break-up party. On to the wedding. Charlotte, of course, plans another lavish event for her wedding, but everything goes wrong. She spills wine on her dress, Harry can't break the glass at the end of the ceremony, Samantha breaks a pearl bracelet in the middle of the ceremony sending pearls flying, its just a mess. So when she runs off to cry in the bathroom, Carrie breaks it down like this, "Your last wedding was perfect, but your last marriage wasn't. So this wedding is a disaster, most likely the marriage will be a success." Not to ruin it for you, but it is a success. I love Harry and Charlotte. If they do not have a happily ever after in this movie, I will hurt someone. Miranda meets a real hot doctor in her building who also loves Jules and Mimi. They start hooking up, and Steve walks in on them one day. As he is trying to flee the scene he smashes his nose in the door. So Miranda, in her robe, watches her ex-boyfriend get his nose doctored with a tampon by a very hot man who works for the Knicks. Miranda wins! So Big comes back to town because he is having heart surgery. Every time he says the word operation, Carrie breaks out in tears leading all the women at the hospital to think she's his wife. He is healing at the Plaza, and Carrie dresses as a Candy Striper to cheer him up. They are super adorable together, and when he has an attack of sorts in the middle of the night, Carrie actually has to nurse him back to health. He gets all serious and starts talking about getting back together. Carrie doesn't get her hopes up, which is good because the next morning he acts cold and like nothing ever happened. Despite all the bad luck, Charlotte finds out she is pregnant. Right on the eve of Baby Brady's first birthday. But the joy doesn't last because she miscarries very quickly. There is this heart-wrenching scene where Carrie goes to see Charlotte, and you can tell she's been sitting on that couch not showering or brushing her hair for a long time. Despite his own sadness, Harry makes an appearance at Brady's birthday party, and you know he's the sweetest guy ever. After watching a special on Elizabeth Taylor and her perseverance Charlotte drags her ass off the couch and to Brady's party. Samantha finds a gray hair, which isn't that big a deal, but its "down there", and it sends her into a panic. So she dyes her hair, and it turns out Ronald McDonald red. She show Carrie and tells her "I'm Bozo the Bush!" And Miranda blurts out to Steve that she's in love with him. And instead of recognizing the awkwardness of that confession in a laundry-room while their significant others are on the other side of the door, Steve just smiles and tells Miranda, "You're the one. You always have been." Magda catches them in their moment, and just smiles, and we all love Magda. Oh, and Carrie meets a Russian artist. I never liked him. So Miranda and Steve are planning their wedding, and they are very adamant that it will be the opposite of Charlotte's weddings. She tells a wedding dress sales lady, "Nothing lacy, Nothing white, nothing that says virgin. I have a child. The jig is up." They have a lovely simple service in the middle of a community garden in the fall. That day Samantha tells Carrie that she found out that week she has cancer. The rest of the season is everyone dealing with Samantha's cancer, including Jerry (who Sam renamed Smith) who shaves his head in solidarity of her illness. Its very touching. Also Carrie is still dating the Russian, who no one else likes either. Carrie realizes if she stays with him, she won't be having any kids. She also realizes that she is not young anymore, so if she wants kids, she needs to find a new man. Miranda buys a house in Brooklyn, Charlotte gets a show dog, and Samantha makes a sex tape. After the death of a famed party girl, Carrie decides to take the Russian up on a proposal. He asks her to live with him in Paris. Miranda flat out tells Carrie that she doesn't like him and she doesn't want her to go, but they get in a big fight instead. The night before Carrie leaves town, a town car parks in front of her building. She won't even talk to Big. He starts in on his old song and dance, and she tells him no. He's not allowed to swoop in every time she is happy and screw everything up for her. She's not wrong, but I just really don't like the Russian. She leaves Big standing in the street. So she gets on the plane and goes to Paris, and finds out that the Russian didn't allot any time for them to spend together because he's too busy with his light show. Turns out this is why he and his ex-wife divorced. Carrie is sad and miserable, but determined to make it work. Back in New York, the girls take decisive action and invite Big to brunch. Its this fantastic summit of warlike invasions. It was like they invited the enemy into their own camp. Miranda tells him, "Bring our girl home." Its pretty excellent. Also in New York, the chemo treatments have sent Sam into early menopause and has killed her sex drive. But Smith won't give up on her. He sends her a pot of grass with bulb planted in it and tells her that this is just the winter of their relationship and he can't wait for spring. He also leaves the film he's shooting on location early just to be with her. And Samantha tells him he is the most important man she has ever know, and we are all touched because we know that meant more to her than I love you. Miranda helps Steve take care of him mother who recently suffers a stroke. Magda sees Miranda giving her mother in law a bath, and comes in and kisses her on the top of the head in a knowing, "I'm so proud of you." moment. Charlotte, on the other hand, sends out 100 letters to adoption agencies, and finds one who will give them a baby. A little Asian girl. When she sees the picture she cries and tells Harry, "That's our baby. That's out little girl." Things are horrible for Carrie in Paris. Its cold and gloomy and everyone brings their dogs in the restaurants. She meets a fan of her column and her book, and he sets up a party to celebrate her, but when she is getting ready to leave, the Russian has an emotional breakdown and can't go to his own gallery show alone. So Carrie totally blows off her party to be with him. So when the critics are gushing over the Russian and how brilliant he is, well suddenly he doesn't need Carrie anymore, and she's abandoned in the doorway. They get into a huge fight at the hotel, and she's already got her stuff packed for New York. When she reaches for her suitcase, the Russian accidentally backhands her. So she leaves, and is downstairs trying to get her own room in horrible broken French when Big finds her. She's trying to explain about the break-up and he sees her face, and she's calmly trying to explain that it was an honest to God accident, and Big gets all macho all of a sudden and tells her, "I'm going to kick his ass." Seriously? Come on. But he runs up the stairs to seriously kick the Russian's ass, but Carrie trips him on the landing. And they lay on the carpeted floor of this really nice hotel laughing their ass off. They walk out together laughing and he finally tells her that he wants to be with her. Finally after all this time they are going to work it out. It took you two long enough!

Sexing it up in Season 5

Okay, so by the time this season aired, America was still getting over the events of September 11. So there is this big theme episode where Carrie decides she is having a love affair with the city. Its very sweet and the girls go looking for sailors at a fleet week party. Samantha puts Richard's face on a flier with the words, "Lying Cheat" on them and posts them all over his neighborhood. He continues to call her and eventually they get back together. Brady gets baptized and Carrie is getting her columns published in a book.
So Carrie is sad that the girls don't hang out anymore, so they agree to celebrate Charlotte's thirtysomething birthday in Atlantic City. Samantha breaks up with Richard before he can get a chance to cheat on her again, Miranda gets her feelings hurt because she is still carrying around baby weight, and Charlotte gets all tarted up just to show she is not an Old Maid.
Carrie and Samantha get into it because Carrie catches Sam servicing the UPS guy and judges her for it. Miranda meets a guy at Weight Watchers who cannot take criticism, and Stanford finally gets the guy. In fact, Stanford's man is a beautiful dancer and at one of his shows, Carrie runs into the girl who dated Aiden after the big break-up. Apparently he was pretty messed up then, and Carrie gets all paranoid that the girl is spreading rumors about her. Its not high school anymore ladies. So Carrie's book gets published, and they are preparing the launch, and she meets another writer with her publishing house named Jack Berger. He is adorable, and they have this great banter, but he has a girlfriend. Suck. So Carrie goes stag to her own launch party, or at least she thought Sam was her date, but Samantha went in for an impromptu chemical peel which left her looking like something from a really scary movie. Charlotte is in the process of going through her divorce, and is very excited about the dreamy lawyer she is assigned. But when things turn ugly in the proceedings, she doesn't want to look like a witch, so she switches to the far less attractive Harry Goldenblatt.
Miranda gets all upset that none of her friends are very sympathetic that being a mom is such hard work, especially Samantha who keeps bragging about her very elite salon appointment. When Carrie chastises Samantha for not being there for her friend, Sam agrees to babysit while Miranda takes her salon appointment. Sweet.
Charlotte starts spending time with her lawyer. He is bald, he is uncouth, he is a far away from JFK Jr. as you can get, but a moment of weakness gets them in bed together, and Charlotte is flummoxed because all of a sudden she really starts to like this guy.
Samantha and Carrie take a trip to California by train to promo her book, and Carrie is all excited because her dry spell is going to end as soon as she calls Big. After a desperately long trip where Samantha is seriously considering killing Carrie for talking her into the whole thing, Carrie decides booty calling Big is a bad idea. But when he shows up to her book signing, she quickly changes her mind and calls him to her hotel. She kicks a still wet from the bath and very pissed Samantha out of her room and prepares for her Big seduction. But Big is not into it. He apparently read the book and never knew how much he hurt her. He keeps her awake all night long reading passages of her book and asking things like, "Was I really that cold?" She tried to get him to stop talking about the book, but it doesn't work. But in typical Big fashion he is over it all by the morning, and Carrie gets a little something something before her next book signing.
So Nathan Lane comes on in a guest spot to play an old friend who is the gayest man they have ever known. Well, he announces the he is getting married - to a woman. All the girls are invited to this big Hamptons wedding. Miranda tells them she "Would not go to that charade if you paid me." But her tune changes when she unexpectantly hooks up with Steve and needs a place to escape for the weekend until things cool off. Charlotte brings Harry in a very, "I know he's imperfect, but I love him anyway" statement which falls flat because Harry can only marry a Jewish woman. He promised his dying mother. The only uplifting thing about that statement is Charlotte wouldn't have a mother-in-law to deal with. She loved him even more then.
Carrie runs into Berger, and things are going well because he is suddenly single. However, Carrie doesn't know when to shut up because she over-shares about her big break-up with Aiden and Berger runs for the hills. He comes back though, and they have a nice dance at the wedding. Oh, and Samantha throws a cantaloupe at two trollops at Richard Wright's house breaking a window and making her look like a crazy woman.
Short season because SJP had to go and have a baby. They made the next one extra long to make up for it.

Sex and the recap - Season 4

No one shows up to Carrie's birthday party. Or actually, everyone is really, really, really late, and Miranda screams into her answering machine to get a fucking cell phone. So Carrie gets all blue about not having a soul-mate, and Charlotte tests the idea that maybe the four of them are each other's soul mates and men are just for them to have fun with. And single women everywhere rejoice. Then on Carrie's way home she sees a town car parked in front of her building. Its Big, with champagne and balloons. Aww. You know sometimes he's really awesome.
Carrie gets an opportunity to be in a fashion show. Alan Cummings is awesome portraying one half of the Dolce and Gabbana power couple, and Heidi Klum makes us not hate her so much. Carrie also dates a photographer who doesn't think twice about capturing her big fall on the runway. Stanford calls her "fashion roadkill" as the other models walk right over her. It's both sad and hilarious, which I adore the most.
Trey and Charlotte try to work it out, Carrie dates a guy with ADD and Samantha becomes a lesbian - temporarily.
So Aiden and Steve have apparently become best buds and are opening a bar together. The girls are invited. Mostly Miranda, because she nagged Steve to death about changing his station in life. The other girls are dragged into going and Carrie sees Aiden. This is where Samantha asks out loud, "Has he gotten hotter or have I been a lesbian too long." Carrie starts her campaign to win Aiden back. Her desperation hits its peak when she is standing outside his building throwing pebbles at his window. She pleads her case about getting back together. She is persistent. She will not let it go. He yells at her, "You broke my heart." And everyone else's heart breaks a little, too. Carrie runs home defeated, but Aiden comes around. Charlotte and Trey in the meantime have not only decided to give their marriage another go, but to also have a baby. This leads to Charlotte announcing to the entire brunch bunch that she is quitting her job at the gallery to have a baby. Feminism is thrown back 20 years. Miranda and her get in a big fight on the phone about it causing Miranda to throw out her back. She is naked and laying on her bathroom floor waiting on Carrie to come rescue her. Carrie is on deadline, so she sends Aiden. Aiden is still a little pissed from hearing Big's voice on Carrie answering machine one night when they were getting it on, but he is perfect, so he covers Miranda with a towel and carries her to the doctor. Aiden is acting really weird because of Big, and Carrie suspects him of sleeping with someone else, which he isn't because, like I said, He is perfect. She begs him to forgive her in a pleading, "You have to forgive me." So he does and things progress. They do the usual couple things, like exchange keys, and all the girls are impressed. Carrie's computer crashes, and she loses everything. All of her files, all of her columns, her entire life as she points out to Aiden in a very haughty way. Turns out it is her motherboard and the tech guy tells Carrie and Aiden they are not compatible because she's a Mac and he's a PC. I seriously think this is where the latest Mac campaign was originated. So Aiden buys her a new computer, and Carrie takes it all wrong. In the meantime, Miranda's mom dies. So all the girls rally for the funeral. Charlotte takes the reigns in organizing travel arrangements and the perfect arrangement for the service. What else does she have to do? She doesn't have a job anymore. Samantha deals with her grief by having lots of sex with a wrestling coach she just met. But she can't orgasm, which sends her into a panic. Aiden wants to go with Carrie to the funeral, but she tells him she doesn't need him to and they get into a huge fight about how she won't let him in. At the funeral Miranda is being singled out for being single. Apparently everyone else in Miranda's family is coupled up and her sister thinks it will be weird. Miranda wants to stand on her own, just like she does in New York, but walking alone behind the casket causes her to break down. Carrie holds her up and walks her out of the service, and on their way out they see that not only Aiden came to the service, but Steve was there, too. Awww. Carrie spends the summer at Aiden's country house, Miranda finds out that Steve has testicular cancer, and Charlotte works on her and Trey's infertility problems. Big calls Carrie for relationship advice, and ends up driving to Adien's cabin in the country. Aiden wins the award for most understanding boyfriend ever, and we can't fault him too much for getting into a wrestling match with Big in the mud. Samantha is denied a job promoting a new hotel chain because she slept with the contractor. She aptly points out that if she were a man, no one would care, and scores the job in the end. And Miranda tries to cheer up Steve the only way she knows how - by sleeping with him. Well, one ball and a lazy ovary later, and Miranda is knocked up. She doesn't want to keep it. No one wants to tell Charlotte especially since she is the reason she can't have a baby of her own. In the end, Miranda decides to keep the baby, and Charlotte is the happiest of all for her, and I can't believe I am tearing up as I type this.
Samantha starts sleeping with her boss hotel mogul, Richard Wright, Miranda tells Steve about the baby and Charlotte considers adoption. Aiden proposes to Carrie and she says yes! Aiden buys Carries's apartment and the one next to it and moves in. They fight over clutter and renovation stuff. Trey gives Charlotte a cardboard baby as a gag gift because they can't have one of their own, and she sends him to sleep in the guest room. He doesn't come back. They eventually split for good. Carrie won't wear Aiden's engagement ring on her finger, and starts hanging out with a new gay friend and wondering about the life she is about to give up. She continues to freak out when Aiden starts pressuring her to set a date, causing a hive breakout in a wedding dress store. Miranda finds out she is having a boy and her maid Magda is more excited than she is. Samantha starts pressuring Richard to be monogamous, and we wonder which pod the real Samantha is in. Carrie tells Aiden she is freaking over a wedding and needs more time. He pressures her more. They break up.
So Carrie is homeless and becomes "literally the woman who lived in her shoes." After a fight about money and Carrie's lack of responsibility with money, Charlotte gives Carrie her wedding ring to buy her apartment. Samantha tricks Richard into telling her he loves her. Carrie also gets a writing job at Vogue and gets an inappropriate proposition from her boss, who she saw as more of a father figure. Samantha is in her own weird proposition when she has to set up a threesome with Richard and a young chippy at a restaurant they frequent. But the chippy makes Richard feel old, so she's out and Samantha is back in the drivers seat.
Carrie finds out Big is moving to California, so she plans one last evening together before he leaves. She poses the questions of, "Going out of business sex, are we for or against?" But we never really get the answer because Miranda goes into labor and Carrie has to cut her date short. Samantha also discovers that Richard is cheating on her. So much for love.

Season 3- Sex in the City recap

I'm running out of time. The movie comes out tomorrow, so I have to get you adequately caught up. Okay, Carrie starts dating a politician. Actually he is running for City Comptroller, and if anyone has any idea what a City Comptroller actually does I will give them a shiny dime. Things are going great until he lets her in on his golden showers fantasy. When she tells him she is just not into that, he suddenly explains to her that his advisors don't think its a great idea for him to be dating a sex columnist, and it is splitsville. She doesn't name names, but she outs his "pee on me" fantasy in her column. Miranda hires a housekeeper, because she is too busy to keep her own apartment clean. Her name is Magda, she is eastern European with a fantastic accent, and she wants to change Miranda's life. She switches her coffee to tea, and her vibrator with a statue of the Virgin Mary. When Magda tells her she will never get a man as long as she "doesn't need one", Miranda threatens to fire her. She doesn't and Magda makes a nice little shrine in Miranda's "goodie drawer." And Carrie makes a big deal about going to this event she doesn't really want to go to just because she knows that Big's wife, Natasha, will be there. But on the day of the event, Carrie looks fab, Samantha on her arm, and Natasha isn't there because she was struck by her own beauty. And everyone talks about how sweet and wonderful Natasha is. All Samantha can dig up is from some old roommate in college who could only say that Natasha gained some weight and was a little promiscuous. Whatever. Oh, Steve and Miranda get back together, and he is moving fast. Like move in fast. But they work it out, for a while.
Okay, so Stanford drags Carrie to a store to meet the most beautiful man. And he was not kidding. Aiden Shaw is a furniture maker who wears denim like Ralph Lauren and keeps his dog Pete with him in the store. He is beautiful, and Carrie gets him to ask her out. So their date is going great until he finds out she smokes. He won't date a smoker. Carrie tries to quit on her own, because suddenly she decides to be an adult, but it doesn't quite go to plan and Aiden catches her picking a cigarette out of the gutter to smoke after she ditches him at a diner. In the end, Aiden and the patch wins. And he is perfect. He rips old leather off of box cars to salvage for his pieces, and he is not rushing in to sleep with Carrie, leaving her very confused. They all start asking if maybe they are slutty, when Charlotte's man calls her horrible names when they are in bed together (and he doesn't even realize it), Miranda finds out she got Chlamydia, and Samantha almost gets kicked out of her co-op for letting in men at all hours of the night which leads to a burglary. After Charlotte accidentally propositions one of her male married friends, she runs out into the street and is almost hit by a cab. Inside that cab is a very handsome doctor named Trey McDougal. This is the beginning of a world-wind romance where Charlotte essentially proposes herself, but she gets the Tiffany diamond- so it's all good. Samantha moves into a new apartment in the trendy meatpacking district (not a euphemism), and Miranda deals with yet another break-up with Steve. Steve wanted a baby, and Miranda wanted him to stop being a baby. Its very sad and he has to help him find a new apartment, and its all very awkward. But the Big news is Big and Natasha run into Carrie and Aiden at some furniture expo. Natasha is practically dragging Big around on a leash. He hits the scotch and catches Carrie alone, where he flat out tells her that the marriage, "It's not working out." He says he's going to leave Natasha. So he starts calling Carrie, and walking down her block, and she tells him to go away, but he won't. In the meantime, Aiden becomes even more perfect by telling Carrie he wants to refinish her floors and make her home really nice. Awww. We love him. So when the noise of all the renovations send Carrie to a hotel to write, Big follows her. She is firm and tells him to leave her alone. He follows her into an elevator where she yells at him and hits him and tells him its not fair what he's doing to her, and its also really hot and they end up sleeping together. But it doesn't stop there. The affair continues for weeks. Carrie tells Samantha that she's been meeting Big at hotels, and Samantha is sympathetic. Carrie eventually she tells Miranda, who tries not to be judgmental, but she can't tell Charlotte who is in the process of planning the perfect wedding . Her wedding planner is the most enthusiastic gay man, Anthony, who becomes one of her closest friends. Carrie is chilling at Big and Natasha's pad when Natasha comes home early from the Hamptons. Natasha chases Carrie down a flight of stairs. Natasha falls and smashes her face. And there is no one to take her to the hospital except Carrie. Big meets them at the emergency room and Carrie tells him they are DONE. Then she tells Aiden about the affair, and he can't forgive her. They break up at Charlotte and Trey's wedding.
Now, all of a sudden Hollywood is calling for Carrie Bradshaw to make a movie out of her column. So the girls, minus Charlotte, head off to California. Charlotte is back at home dealing with her overbearing in-laws and her husband's impotence. Apparently waiting until your wedding night to have sex is a horrible idea. When she can't deal with it anymore, she meets the girls in LA. Carrie mets Matthew McConaughey who wants to play Big in the movie, Samantha dates a sex toy model who writes poetry (gag) and Miranda deals with the insecurities of being Miranda. She should have packed her shrink. Carrie and Samantha end up going to the Valley to purchase some fake Fendi purses out of the back of some guy's car, and suddenly I have a childhood flashback of my mother gluing a Dooney and Burke label on a bag to sell at a flea market. The fake Fendi's become this huge metaphor about how in LA, "Its whats on the outside, not on the inside." The final LA scene lands the girls at the Playboy mansion, and Samantha accuses a Playboy Bunny of stealing her fake Fendi. When the Bunny whips out the label on her real Fendi, the girls are kicked out of the mansion and high tail it back to Manhattan.
Once they are back, it is business as usual, and I never realized this season was so long. Carrie and the girls reclaim their girlhood when Carrie dates a guy who gets high and lives with his parents, Samantha plans a 13 year old's bat mitzvah and the girl is like a little Samantha with all the BJ talk, and Charlotte catches Trey getting his rocks off to a dirty magazine. What? I thought you were impotent. Apparently he has some Mommie issues. Charlotte eventually moves out. And Carrie gets this idea in her head that Karma is paying her back for the affair with Big when someone steals the Manolos off her feet in the middle of the street in broad daylight. She decides she needs to make amends with Natasha, who basically says, I don't owe you anything Carrie Bradshaw- You slept with my husband. So then, Carrie decides she needs to get closure with Big, and Miranda tells her that is a huge mistake. They get in this huge fight where Miranda tells her she is not going to come in and pick up the pieces when Big crushes her again, and Carrie accuses Miranda of giving up on her just like she did Steve. And this is like a friendship killer fight, but they work it out, like they do. And Carrie goes to see Big, and after falling in a lake in Central Park, she tells him that they just don't work.

Season 2 - Sex recap

After a long break, we reconnect with the girls at the ball field. To help get Carrie over her break-up with Mr. Big, Miranda and the girls drag Carrie to the ballpark to meet the new Yankee. She gets his autograph and he asks her out. Samantha is trying to make her tiny penis relationship work, but as she explains to her couples counselor, "I need a big dick" the counselor agrees, "Tell me about it honey". There are some filler episodes where Carrie gets in the middle of a friend's divorce, Charlotte gets a dog, and Samantha considers plastic surgery. Stanford hooks Carrie up to be on the cover of a magazine, but typical Carrie stays out the night before the big photo shoot drinking with the girls. She shows up at the shoot way hungover, and thinks they are just taking test shots. She was wrong. She looks like a train-wreck on the cover and is criticized for her swinging single lifestyle. This leads to Carrie's first attempt to quit smoking. It lasts about a week. In the meantime, Miranda buys an apartment, Charlotte dates a widow, and Samantha is thrown out of the "It" social circle because she slept with the wrong man's husband. After attending a friend's funeral, Carrie calls Big to reconnect - and reconnect they do. The only problem, her friends FLIP OUT when they find out about the Big/Carrie reunion. They get over it. Miranda hires an interior designer to impress her new house guest, this old friend she has been talking to through e-mail. She thinks she's going to get laid, but the interior designer makes her move and BAM- Miranda is suddenly helping people sign a guest book at their wedding. She hates them. Carrie, for some reason, is asked to write a poem about love for the wedding. Big says he can't wait to hear Carrie read every word that rhymes with Love at this wedding. But he takes a phone call on his cell while she is reading her poem and gets pretty pissed.
Miranda has a one night stand with the bartender, Steve, and he won't go away. He's sweet and charming, and Miranda just wants him to quit being so cute and considerate and respectful of her, because "You can't turn a one-night stand into a relationship." This and other urban relationship myths are challenged, including one where Samantha meets a gazillionaire who she really into, but he is like 70+. She thinks lights out and Viagra will make their relationship work, but it doesn't. Miranda also challenges Carrie and Big's reunion because "you cannot get back together with a ex." Miranda's attitude changes when Big pulls through for Carrie when she needed him, leading Miranda to run after Steve in the rain. This best kiss scene on television, and the best episode of the show.
However, Steve and Miranda soon break up because she makes more money than him, and he is too proud to let her buy things for him. He tells her they live worlds apart, and we're all a little sad.
And just when you think Carrie and Big are going to get it all worked out, he tells her he is going to Paris on business, for like six months. Maybe longer. She freaks out, and Miranda tries not to say "I told you so."
To recover from the break-up this time, Carrie goes into therapy, and sleeps with Bon Jovi. The show coins the phrase "fuck buddy", and Miranda dates a truly horrible guy who has a really horrible kid.
The girls escape the city for the Hamptons that summer, and Carrie runs into Big at a party with his new lady, a 20-something ex-model named Natasha. Ouch. She throws up on the beach. Well it turns out Natasha is actually Big's fiancee. What? So much for being friends. Carrie says goodbye to Big in front of The Plaza in this great homage to "The Way We Were."

Sex and the update

My friend M. is attending the Sex and the City movie with me. Unfortunately she has never seen an episode of Sex and the City. I wouldn't comment on that rock M. might be living under, because she does have extensive knowledge of Lost, Buffy, Angel, and she's a little too busy publishing books to be bothered with pop culture.
So, in her honor, I am summing up the entire series of Sex and the City (in six installments):
Season 1
In the beginning the sassy and sexy Carrie Bradshaw introduces us to the big City of New York and her friends that live in it. They go to parties, they go to brunch, they are looking for love, or in Samantha's case sex. Samantha believes women would be happier if they had sex without emotion - like men. Carrie gives it a test run with an ex. It does not work. In the meantime, she keeps running into this same guy all over town. He's handsome, he's dapper, it's Mr. Big. He gives her a ride home from a party and she asks him if he has ever been in love. He tells her, "Abso-fucking-lutely." Men prefer models, married people don't understand single people, and younger guys are addictive (With a nice cameo by Timothy Olyphant when he was Go sexy and not Deadwood dirty). Carrie and Mr. Big finally arrange to have an official date after bumping into each other all over the city. She has sex with him about ten minutes into the date, and then wonders if maybe he's is ashamed to be seen out in public with her. She blames sleeping with him on the first date. Samantha says no, prudish Charlotte says yes, and Miranda tells them both to shut the fuck up. (Can you guess which character I relate to yet?) Turns out Big wasn't trying to keep her secret, he just really likes hanging out in dark Chinese restaurants in sketchy parts of town, and can't remember his friends names when he sees them out on the street. Revelations about Big come forth: he didn't tell her he was still seeing other people, and used to be married. In the meantime Charlotte contemplates a threesome, Miranda dates a guy who is into spanking, and Samantha sleeps with her Realtor in an attempt to combine her two loves, sex and real estate. The girls go to a wedding where the bride implies she is marrying for convenience (shocker). So Samantha dates a guy who she calls a "fixer-upper", Charlotte falls in love with a device called the Rabbit, and Carrie accepts a proposal from her gay best friend when she finds out Big never wants to get married again. She never goes through with the engagement. Next the girls have to go to an evil baby shower of an old friend who has slept with more men than Samantha (She's in the Guinness Book of World Records). Carrie is so comfortable in her relationship with Big she accidentally passes gas in his presence. Humiliation, and a long drought ensues. Samantha learns about tantric sex and is celibate, for about a week. Miranda accosts a cat-caller in front of the Blockbuster, and Charlotte dates a guy whose antidepressants makes him uninterested in sex. Not a good endorsement for Prozac. After listening to all of Charlotte's no sex until the fifth date talk, Samantha gives it a try and decides not to have sex with her new man right away. She is smitten, the thinks she's in love, he has a little penis. Fuck. Carrie goes to church and runs into Big and his mother. He does not introduce the two of them, so Carrie dumps him. Sad.

The origins of my television obsession

My friend K. sent me an article on how Sex and the City inspired a young women to live the wild Sex and the City lifestyle - when she was 14 years old. I'm not shocked. But I was a little jealous because when I was 14 I didn't even have a risqué show to emulate and regret in my old age. I grew up on a farm. We had chickens and horses, and a television that had about three channels. THREE. And two of those you couldn't watch if the wind kicked up. At the age of ten, my dad would have me stand outside and turn the antenna so the channel he got his local wrestling on wouldn't be full of static.
We did not get MTV, Nickelodeon, the Disney Channel, and definitely not HBO. When I would go over to stay at friends houses, all I wanted to do was watch TV all day. Their mothers would find me planted in front of the TV in the family room, desperately clutching the remote, while my friend would be outside trying to play kickball alone. And then they would get in trouble for not entertaining the friend they had invited over. My mother was not impressed with TV, but when I was 17 years old, someone alerted her to the fact that there was something called Nick at Nite, which showed old episodes of I Love Lucy almost every evening. SOLD. The Primestar (early models of Dish Network) installation man was at our door immediately, and we had one of the very first small satellite dishes in our neighborhood. (We were also the first people in our little burg that had cellphones. I rocked a bad phone in my very first car, but I digress). It was like someone opened up the Pop Culture flood gates. All of a sudden I had HBO, Cinemax, The Movie Channel, Starz, MTV, Lifetime, VH1 and a million other channels I had never seen before. My mother would wake in the middle of the night to find me still awake at 4 a.m. watching the TBS version of Heathers.
The problem with the set up was there was a cable running from the main line directly into my parents room. So whatever I was watching, they were watching it too. I could only to change the channel from Nick at Nite after they went to sleep. So if I changed it a little too soon, a half asleep woman would cry out from her bedroom, "Put it back on Lucy." Most of the time Lucy wasn't even on, but Nick at Night was called the Lucy channel the whole time I was in high school and college.
So many nights, before I would change the channel, I would creep into my parents bedroom and turn off the TV. I would have to be incredibly stealthy, because if my mom woke up, my plot was foiled. But once I got them to sleep, I could watch what I really wanted to - Cinemax. That was my sexual influence as a teenager. At least the S&TC girl had a funny half hour comedy about women on top. My big influence - Emmanuel the series.
But, alas, it was only to last a few months. My mom turned off all the movie channels, not because she caught me watching tawdry movies, but because I only wanted to watch stand-up comedians. She said she didn't understand what they were talking about. "I could be watching Lucy."
The publishers of Mommie Dearest are contacting me right this very second for the book rights of this horrific tale.

Whitney Wins

Seriously?! Seriously! Ladies, break out your ice cream spoons, ask for the extra bread basket and order yourself a hamburger, because it is finally okay to eat. Plus sized girls are shaking their full figured bellies in the streets because finally, we have a spokesperson in the fashion industry - Whitney.
I was shocked. Totally shocked when the decision came down to the line that the full figured girl finally got the prize.
I didn't think they would chose Whitney. I was waiting for them to send her home and hand the prize right over to Anya. Not because I didn't think Whitney could do it, but because the show typically discriminates against the full figured girls (which was officially given that moniker during the finale. Apparently plus size is not the PC term anymore). Every season there is a full figured model chosen for the show, and some cycles even have had two. They are beautiful, they are confident, and more than anything, they are approximately a size 14, (which honestly isn't plus sized, but what are you going to do. I'm just happy to see someone who is not a size two.) And each cycle, one of the judges says very plainly that the industry in not ready to accept a plus sized Top Model. Traditionally it was Janice, which is one of the many reasons why she had the reputation of being a bitch.
So what makes this season any different. For one thing they didn't send her out on challenges and try to put her in clothes that obviously didn't fit her. Tocarra was one of the stronger plus sized models on the show. She took great photos, but when it came down to it, not only did they constantly comment about how they did not have any clothes to fit her, they poked, prodded and stuck her with pins and clips to try to break down her spirit. And it worked. She took a crap photo, which is the death nail in any contestant's coffin. But this season there was a different attitude. Whitney was not only given clothes that fit, but clothes that flattered. Also, it was discussed how she was a full figured model, but no one made the statement that the industry was not ready for a plus sized model. Does this mean that the super skinny model debate has finally hit the mainstream? Does this mean that the Jennifer Hudsons and the Sara Ramirezs have shown America that big is beautiful, and that a full figured lady is super sexy.
When I tell people that I watch this show, I get a lot of rolled eyes. Its hard to imagine why a reasonable intelligent woman would want to watch young hot girls pout into a camera so they can get a modeling contract where they can make a career of jetting off to exotic places so they can pout into yet another camera. Especially when many of the girls are unreasonable, egotistical and some, but not all, really dumb. But I find the competition irresistible. Not the cattiness and the fighting, because I could watch Flavor of Love if I was interested in that. The photos are fantastic and I love being able to predict who the winner is going to be.
I have discovered that since, I have started watching the show, I have developed some traits. I am more critical of my friends candid shots, the word Fierce is a part of my everyday vernacular, and my son rolls around on the floor giving his best Blue Steel poses whenever anyone whips out a camera.
The one thing I like about the show is it shows people that just standing there and having your picture taken is not all that a model has to do. They have to look the part 24 hours a day. They have to be on call all the time. They have to be away from their loved ones. And they have to be judged over minuscule aspects of their appearance and personality. It seems shallow and silly to see a panel of judges looking at a girl to her face and telling her that her eyes are too far apart or her look is not fashion, but more rap video. And if you think that is mean, imagine anytime you have watched TV or flipped though a magazine and talked about the size of Brittany Spear's ass.
I love it because I think there will always be girls who want to be fashion models, despite the fact that they promote an unrealistic idea of beauty that makes young girls want to vomit up their lunch, so at least there is a show that shows kind of how it works and that it is not easy.
And now there is a realistic sized woman, who God help me, I hope does not start losing weight like Sara Rue. That was a definite casualty in the full figured girl war.

Congratulations

Hooray, Whitney! You are the first plus size model to make it in the Final Three. The last girl that even came close was Robin from Season One. Through the season Whitney never did the typical plus size model bemoan of low self-esteem, that even tackled Tocarra from Season 3. Plus size models generally crack under the pressure of the drama and the size two models eating Doritos (I mean seriously, that's not fair).
Way to go Whitney. We are waiting to see you take it to the top.

Rejection Friday

Friday is rejection day for Literary Agents. I have found that I get more "No Thanks," form letters on Fridays that any other time. Which's sucks because Friday is the greatest day of the week. Songs are written about Fridays, restaurants are themed around the idea of Fridays, entire drink menus circle around the idea that you don't have to work tomorrow. Why would literary agents want to ruin the best day of the week? Its just rude. A Monday rejection, fine, because your already prepared for your Monday to be crap. A Tuesday rejection you can probably still take with a grain of salt, but not Friday. Fridays should be about cocktails at 5 p.m. Watching late movies, and clearing off the TiVo. Not spending the weekend saying, "Why didn't they like it."
I have gotten some doosies for rejection letters. One said they were sorry but only representing Canadian writers. I thought of suing them for national discrimination. One said they really liked reading my submission, but didn't feel like we were a right fit. Which brought back flashbacks of when I applied at match.com. And then the best and worst form rejection, "As much as we enjoyed reading your submission, we are not going to pursue representation. This could be for a number of reasons, such as: the trends in the market now, the type of novels we are searching for, or simply the poorly executed writing you submitted to us. . ." Well, that's letting me down easy. That is your form letter? Do you have any other rejections, or is that specifically for the truly horrible writers?
But alas, I continue to send out query letters. After each one is tailor written to appeal to the individual agent, just to have a form, "No thanks," letter is kind of insulting. But, oh how I wish I had that power. To be able to run through a series of manuscripts saying, "No, No, No, Crap, Crap, Maybe, No, No, No."
The rejection process has gotten so bad, I am asking strangers on the street if they happen to have a cousin who works in publishing.
When I was a reporter, we would have a lot of self published books come across my desk, because for some reason, my editor thought writing a story about these self published writers would be interesting. Most of them were Worst Case Scenario disaster books, so I disregarded them completely, but one actually caught my eye. A professor at a near-by college had self published a work of fiction it took him almost ten years to write. He decided to have it published by First Books, which is a service that will publish any manuscript, does not provide editing, and charges you for it. Its not necessarily a scam, but its not the best way to get into Barnes and Noble either. And its not that his work was bad. . . its just that it came in two volumes, with a suggested list of songs to listen to while reading it. With the right marketing, editor and a good publishing house, his opus could have actually become something. It wasn't even horribly written, just self indulgent, just like any work that you can tell from reading is semi-autobiographical. And he was going to the newspaper, the college bookstore, all local booksellers, and local businesses to try to sell the book. I was at that University's bookstore recently and saw Volume One. All 500 pages of it. And I got really sad, because all I have written is a 60,000 word novella, and I thought what if these characters I have created never get to be enjoyed. What if no one roots for Veronica to loose her virginity or wishes their college roommate knew how to sew. I have been told by writers that getting published does not solve all of a writers problems. But the idea that someone is out there somewhere enjoying what you created, that's why we do it.
So if you, or anyone you know is in publishing and would like to read a fresh manuscript, let me know in the comments space.
Thank you.