Let's get it on

Anytime one of your friends invites you over to their house to listen to a stranger tell you how much you need to buy their product is not your friend. I have sat through Tupperware, Pampered Chef, Premiere Jewelery, and I turn down every invitation I get because I hate sales parties. However, if you have a friend who invites you over to have a perfect stranger pass around erotic toys which you can purchase in a very private room without having to go to the seedier sections of town, well she is your best friend.
So I was invited to one of these parties the other night. I show up, cash in hand all excited for what we were going to see. No one around here ever has these kinds of parties, so, yeah, I was excited.I was ready for an evening of excitement, giggling and making purchases.
Did it deliver? Like Dominoes!
Anytime a group of women get together for these kind of events, its a little awkward at first. Everybody is afraid people are going to start divulging things about their sex life. There is always this horrible thought that someone will pass around the WonderStick 5,000 and the woman sitting next to you will ask, "Do you have this in a bigger size?" Except me. I would probably just burst into giggles and give the lady a high five.
So at first, everyone was quiet and really nervous. But if you have a good salesperson, she doesn't start the show with the Wonderstick 5,000. A smart salesperson starts off with the lotions and oils and feathers and all the stuff I really don't care about. About 5 minutes into it I was like, "Bring out the electronics!"
But some of the lotions and things were cool. We spritzed and powdered and tried out aphrodisiac scents. We were allowed to test things to rub on the most private of places that tasted like raspberry or chilled you like an ice cube. (We tested on the tamer parts of the body like our lips and wrists. It wasn't that kind of slumber party.)
Then we took a break. I ate five chocolate chocolate chip cookies while I waited for the big guns to be whipped out. And then it was time. There were bullets and C-rings and vibrators, Oh my! Things were waterproof, things with clitoral stimulators, things that went in the nether-regions. I'm embarrassed to say, I had my doubts about the crowd. Maybe it was because one girl sat in the corner with a scowl on her face the whole time. Perhaps she was in need of the Nuby G. But everyone had a lot of fun. When it came time to make purchases, these ladies were fighting each other to get back in the little room where we placed our orders, and then running out the door, black bags in hand singing, "I'm off to buy batteries."
While we waited our turns, we perused a few position books. (And listened to a girl tell the story about how her dog ate her vibrator. No one wants to make a visit to the vet for that one.) Anyway, one of the books was from the early eighties. You remember the eighties, right. When women wore permed mullets and men wore leather vests to threesomes. We learned a lot from this book, particularly that there is certain etiquette when hosting a threesome. Both me and my friend M. (oh yeah, she was there too) made the joke that proper etiquette meant sending thank you notes after. Or serving a cheese ball before.
My favorite part of the 80s position manual was there was a section devoted to furniture. Good positions using a footstool, rocking chair or wing back chair. You know, just in case your getting it on at grandma's house.
It was more fun than I can explain. I encourage anyone and everyone to host or attend one of these parties themselves. It is so very worth it. Contact www.passionware.com to book a party of your own.