Farewell

I have not mentioned this since it happened, mostly because I was still too sad to write about it, but I lost my boss a couple of weeks ago. No, she didn't die, and her face isn't going to show up on any milk cartons, she found a new job and is moving on to do something new. We have had people quit my establishment of employment before, but I never thought she would put in her resignation. Unlike most everyone in America, I liked my boss. You always wish the bosses you hate to come to some untimely death or firing, but not the people you like.
She was the most fun boss I ever had. Never have I met a woman whose love of sales matched her love of firearms. I always hoped that we go on a motivational retreat to the paint-ball fields. I also have never heard so many stories about people accidentally pooping their pants until I worked for her. And I watched her lay in the floor of her office in orgasmic delight because she got to meet NASCAR driver Tony Stewart. She was the easiest person I have ever worked for, mostly because whenever I went to her with what I assumed was a horrible crisis situation, she never showed shock or surprise. She would just say something like, "It'll be alright, but moving forward, you should not call the director of marketing at the energy company a little bitch, again.'"
I was all upset for days that she was going to leave. She had this great send-off, and it was very emotional. So, now that she is no longer in a position to fire me, there are a few things I have to say: 1. Sometimes I would leave the office like I was going out on sales calls, but really I would go by my house to run a load of laundry, dishes, or take a nap. 2. Every time you had chocolate in your office, I went in and stole some of it. 3. One time I watched you leave the bathroom without washing your hands, and it haunts me to this day.
I love ya, C.
I hope you still talk to me after you read this.
*anyone who has met me knows I have a tendency to exaggerate. Have fun figuring out which part of this is true, and which is false.